As we near the end of an unprecedented year, I took some time to reflect on the lessons I learned in 2020. Some of them are encouraging reminders of the good in my life and the world, and others are a bit more cynical. Regardless, living through a time that will be studied by generations of history students inspired me to document the 20 things I learned in the last 12 months. What has this year taught you? I hope you think about it as you read this and let me know in the comments.
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1. When your plans don’t work out, make the best of what you have.
This year looked different for, well, everybody. And I recognize that some people had their futures changed forever due to COVID and its consequences. But for most of us, it taught us to deal with disappointments and find the good that’s available. We didn’t get to take the 10th anniversary trip we’ve been planning for months, go on our family beach vacation, or meet up with our friends for a fun reunion trip.
There were lots of goals that were put on hold and things deferred indefinitely. But I learned it’s possible to have date nights at the house with no babysitter, that a remote cabin in woods can be a retreat, and that sometimes you just need to adjust your expectations and enjoy what’s right in front of you.
2. My kids are much more flexible than I gave them credit for.
I thank God for how my son (who turned eight during this) and daughter (four) have handled the disappointments of cancelled school, disrupted schedules, and not seeing their friends and extended family. They have rolled with the punches in a way I never would have imagined. I’ve learned that if we give them age-appropriate information and model a good attitude (easier said than done), they can be content with what is available rather than constantly wanting what isn’t. That’s a great lesson for me as well.
3. People are most afraid of running out of toilet paper…and it shows.
I picture people with rooms filled floor to ceiling with Charmin Ultra Soft toilet paper making it hard for the rest of us to get it. I asked for it for Christmas. No joke.
4. My husband was definitely the right choice for my spouse.
The company my husband works for has done a great job keeping their employees safe, allowing him to work from home since March. This is a huge blessing since he has some medical stuff that could make COVID more scary for him. Recognizing that it is an enormous privilege to have that opportunity, it also means that the two of us have been under the same roof 24/7 for the better part of a year. All that togetherness can (and has) break an unhealthy marriage, but 2020 has only cemented that I like Nathan in addition to loving him. He’s my best friend and there’s no one I’d rather spend all this time with…though I’m sure we’d both take a change of scenery! Read about how I plan a year of dates here.
I also realize some of you aren’t as pumped about your spouse after all that time together. If that’s the case, I recommend CoupleWise for affordable, self-guided online counseling.
5. I took my normal, everyday schedule for granted.
In addition to the big things 2020 has taken away, I miss the little things like taking the kids to Costco to eat samples, going to church on Sunday mornings, gatherings with our small group families, and eating inside a restaurant. I can’t wait to sit in the pickup line at school, wander through the mall, chat with other moms at basketball practice, or hug an old friend I bump into at the grocery store. Though I think we were appreciative before, I am most looking forward to dropping the kids off with grandparents for a few hours (or a week!) when this is all over. May I not take the small things for granted after this.
6. Masks aren’t difficult to wear and save lives.
I don’t want to argue about this. Just put it on over your mouth and nose so we can protect one another. It’s the kind and decent thing to do.
7. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make everyone happy.
I don’t envy the school board members, superintendents, politicians, health officials, and others making tough decisions in 2020. They’ve been given impossible choices. But what I’ve learned from them this year is that even in the best scenarios, you can’t make everyone happy. Most of the time you just make the best decision you can with the facts you have. It’s okay to acknowledge the unknowns and course correct down the line when new information arises. Things may not go as smoothly as you had hoped, but you try anyway. However, if your goal is pleasing everyone, you are certain to fail.
8. The loudest voice doesn’t necessarily represent the majority.
To piggyback on my last lesson, I’ve also learned that vocal minorities often get the most attention. There have been many moments during this pandemic where I felt alone in my convictions because so many people are screaming the opposite all around me. They share opinions on social media, the news covers them, and they put signs in their yards. But then I’ll realize that most people are quietly going on with their lives, doing the best they can. A report or survey comes out contradicting the noise and I won’t feel so isolated.
My guess is most of you aren’t broadcasting your opinions on everything to anyone who will listen. It helps me to remember the isolation of this year only exposes me to the loudest voices instead of the multitude of experiences I normally encounter. So I keep doing what I feel is right for my family and utilize the “snooze” button on Facebook as necessary.
9. There is no point worrying about tomorrow, next week, or next month because things may change.
Decisions on what is safe to do and when are tough. This year has taught me not to get ahead of myself. Anxieties about returning to school, disappointing family members, social isolation for my kids, missing out, and so much more are natural. But I’ve learned things change quickly and tend to work themselves out. If I waste my energy worrying about all that could go wrong, I do nothing but rob myself of joy. Don’t mistake this attitude for a dismissal of reality, but rather a position of responding to the concrete instead of wallowing in all the “what ifs” I can dream up.
10. I am not a teacher. Or a speech therapist. Or a physical therapist. Or an occupational therapist. And I don’t want to be.
Listen up. No one thinks virtual school and therapy at home are what’s best for kids. Not the people shutting down schools. Not those advocating for hybrid approaches. Not even the creators of Zoom. I’ll be the first to say that the professionals are much better equipped to teach and treat my children. You can read all about why I think quarantine is tough on adoptive and special needs parents here.
But I appreciate how hard these people have worked to keep my son and daughter from falling behind. Though I can’t hold a candle to what these folks can do in person, I value how they changed their entire focus on a dime. It’s also given me an opportunity to partner with them on a different level than I would have previously thought was possible.
11. Marco Polo is an anecdote to isolation.
It’s been difficult to connect with people in the age of social distancing which is why I’m so thankful for a group Marco Polo chat with two of my dearest friends. If you aren’t familiar with this app, you leave video messages for your friends to listen and respond to when it’s convenient for them. It has been an absolute sanity saver as I’ve been able to vent, laugh, and even have a Nailed It-like cake baking challenge over the past several months. With one building a house and the other an ICU nurse taking care of COVID patients, we rarely have schedules that would line up for a call or Zoom. But the Marco Polo app might be my favorite thing to come out of the pandemic. (Also, can we keep curbside pickup for everything after all this is over? I love not having to drag my kids into the store or restaurant.)
12. We don’t have to go back to the breakneck pace of pre-COVID life.
Though we try not to be over-scheduled, we like to have activities planned to keep the kids somewhat busy. One thing I’ve learned in 2020 is that there is value in being bored, especially for children. With everything cancelled, we were forced to find ways to entertain ourselves. The kids have used their toys more, done more pretend play, run around outside more, and generally been more creative. We’ve settled into family movie night traditions, had board game tournaments, done scavenger hunts, and learned to be a little more comfortable with free time. While there are things that we can’t wait to jump back into, I hope we all examine the motives for our busy schedule in the future and don’t go back to the rushed pace just for the sake of filling every spare minute.
13. I miss people.
Though I’ve become more of a homebody as I get older, I’m an extrovert at heart. Enjoying good conversation and experiences with people charges me up. Of course, I can’t wait for visits with family and friends, cookouts, weddings, and parties to be safe again. But I also miss small talk with a stranger in a waiting room, chatting with parents at the kids’ activities, and all the other little opportunities to connect with people. I hope I don’t take this for granted in the future.
14. Divisiveness is a tool of the devil…and it works.
I know people are divided over politics and other taboo topics, but in 2020 I learned that we have a difficult time finding common ground on very basic things. Public health officials are ridiculed and threatened during a pandemic when trying to keep people safe. Angry parents yell at teachers for not being able to control the world around them. Store workers have been killed for asking patrons to wear a mask while shopping. Misinformation and conspiracy theories are being thrown around as fact by people I know and love. We are being told by society that you have to either stand with your hurting black and brown friends or defend your cop neighbor.
It’s all exhausting and leads people to either digging in their heels to support their position to the death or retreating and disengaging. Division is an effective tool of Satan that keeps us from progress, compromise, and rich conversation where we solve complex problems together. I’ve seen firsthand how prevalent it is this year.
Need a good journal to document the year that was? Or something to guide you through what comes next? Check out my friends at Promptly Journals for beautiful guided journals.
15. Just because we live in the same country doesn’t mean we have the same experience.
I heard someone say the pandemic didn’t cause all the issues in 2020, but it definitely shook loose a bunch of existing ones. Though my experience with young kids (one with special needs) and a spouse with a less-than-stellar immune systems all working and learning from home has its stressors, I recognize how fortunate we’ve been this year. Families are losing their livelihoods, income, businesses, health, and in some cases, their lives. More people are experiencing isolation, depression, and loneliness. We see the burden of childcare falling disproportionately on women, often forced to choose between careers and their children. Racial issues and injustice have been on display for us all to see. Disparities in healthcare, education, and income are exacerbated by the consequences of COVID-19. While attention to these issues, and many more, will fade as we move past 2020, I was reminded that we certainly don’t all have the same experience despite living through the same event.
16. A sunny day and a walk are a gift from God.
When we are all stuck in the house, something as simple as a pretty day and a walk around the neighborhood are a blessing. We are fortunate to have several walking trails very close to our house, and we’ve explored new parks around the city. Though the winter months are sure to make these less frequent, the fresh air and new scenery are something I’ve really learned not to take for granted in 2020.
17. My faith is in God and not people.
This year reminded me that my faith must be anchored in God and not man. I was disappointed this year in church leaders who fail to speak up on issues where I want them to lead, and in those who publicly endorse things that don’t line up with my interpretation of the Bible. Witnessing fellow Christians align themselves with nationalism, individualism, and other political rhetoric at the expense of loving their neighbors is disheartening.
Plus, I haven’t been to church in person since March, something I have missed tremendously. Folks have wielded a “faith over fear” message like a weapon towards those of us who think it’s irresponsible to show up to large, unmasked gatherings of people singing and shaking hands. Unfortunately, my response has often been one of self-righteous anger rather than an attempt to extend grace and mercy to those who think differently than me.
People, myself included, are flawed and mess things up. Fortunately, the Creator of the universe is in control. He is so much bigger than any problem we create or encounter. This year was reinforcement that if my faith is in anyone other than Jesus, I will be disappointed every time.
I led a virtual small group on race and the gospel this fall because I craved conversation on big, complicated issues in a safe space. One of the biggest takeaways for me was that when I yearn for the church to do something, I usually exclude myself from the responsibility. But 1 Peter 2:4-6 points out that we are all “living stones” God uses to build his spiritual house. When I want more from the church, I need to first look at myself. When I prioritize God first and follow his leading in my life, then I’m much less likely to be disappointed by others.
18. Heroes wear scrubs, drive delivery trucks, work in labs, teach in virtual classrooms, stock groceries, work in warehouses, clean offices, and are quietly showing up for work to keep us all afloat each day.
This year shined a spotlight on the essential workers. While many of us were fortunate to work from home, countless people showed up to keep the country moving. Many risked their lives to keep us safe. I can’t begin to thank them all, but I am so appreciative.
19. We will get through this together.
Our governor has repeated this mantra over and over because it is true. This pandemic will end, and most of us will return to “normal” life again soon. The carnage left in its wake depends on us working together to protect and help the ones most vulnerable to the many facets of difficulty 2020 brought. I am so impressed by the ways people have mobilized to donate food, PPE, Christmas gifts, money, and more when they find a need. Though the fighting and division took centerstage, there has also been a lot of positive. I’m convinced that when we work together as neighbors, friends, congregations, and citizens there is no limit to the good that can be accomplished.
20. Hope is a powerful motivator.
After a tough and tumultuous year, I feel better about the future. The vaccine currently going in the arms of frontline health workers brings hope that this is going to end. It’s a miraculous feat to have something so effective here this quickly. Hope that my family could be immunized in a few months makes missing out on holiday traditions more palatable. Hope of a return to safe, in-person school means less stress about the limitations of distance learning. Hope of gatherings, vacations, people traveling for international adoptions, hugs, in-person therapies, date nights, play dates, and so much more motivates me to hunker down for just a little while longer. There were many times in 2020 where there was no light at the end of the tunnel, but there are brighter days ahead and I feel it in my soul.
Looking to spice up your date nights?
Do your date nights always consist of dinner and a movie? Looking for something a little different? Download my 52 Date Ideas list for a year of fun things to do with your significant other!
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Hi! I'm Jessica! I help people fund adoptions, navigate parenting, save money, and enjoy the good things in life. 
