When applying for the Lifesong for Orphans grant, we were required to prepare an adoption testimony. While I knew God directed us on this path to expand our family, it wasn’t until our adoption story was put to paper that I saw all the ways he worked together to lead us to the decision to adopt. Seeing his divine handiwork in a season of waiting is comforting. I’m sharing this very personal account in hopes that it helps someone else facing a similar season of uncertainty.

Nathan and I discussed our desire for a family while we were dating. We both wanted two kids and assumed they would be biological children. Adoption had been in the back of my mind since childhood, but I didn’t have it on my radar as a practical adult.

I thought we might be people who help others care for orphans. When my friends adopted from Guatemala, I happily served as a character reference. A few years ago, a different set of friends adopted and I helped them organize and solicit donations for a silent auction fundraiser they had. As I handed her our contribution, I remember telling my friend that I loved adoption wanted to support it. I also said I knew our family would never do it ourselves.

I believed our call to care for orphans was through other people. But God had different plans.

It took us several months to get pregnant with our son. During that time, we looked into adoption but the costs immediately shut that door for us. By the grace of God, we were blessed with our beautiful baby boy in 2012, whom we love dearly.

I can see now all the little ways that God prepared our hearts for adoption the second time around. Gestational diabetes during pregnancy made the last few months more difficult for me. After he was born, there were some feeding issues that made the newborn period hard. When J was two weeks old, Nathan’s dad (who had terminal cancer) took a turn for the worse and was placed in the hospital. Nathan had to split his time between work, a dying father, and a new baby.

Those first few months were really taxing for our family. While there was joy from our sweet child, the combination of hormones and dealing with the stress of Nathan’s father made the newborn period something that I didn’t long to go through again.

But we both had a desire for a sibling for J. Since our first child was biological, we assumed that is would happen for us again. Then a year and a half passed with no pregnancy. At some point, we thought that maybe we weren’t meant to have another child.

Honestly, after more than a year of trying, I was ready to close that chapter of our lives. So we prayed specifically about it. One night, I asked God for a sign as to whether we should just move on. I don’t think expecting signs from the Lord is the best way to make all decisions, but he was gracious to oblige my request. First thing the next morning, I read the following verse of the day:

All right then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’). -Isaiah 7:14 NLT

While we didn’t think God was sending the Savior of the world through our family, we felt that was a definite sign that we should stay the course. But months passed, and pregnancy didn’t come. Despite God continually answering my prayers, I didn’t want to wait anymore. The desire to be pregnant wasn’t there and I was ready to be done.

So I pushed us to set an arbitrary deadline of March 2016. If we weren’t pregnant by then, we were going to close that chapter of our lives. March came and no baby, and I thought that meant that we were going to be content as a one-child family. But Nathan felt hesitant (and probably more obedient than me) and said we should keep praying and give it a little more time. I begrudgingly agreed.

That Sunday, the pastor talked about Abraham and Sarah and how God promised them a son, but then they had to wait 25 years before that promise came to fruition. I honestly sat there during the sermon thinking maybe Nathan isn’t paying attention to this. But when we got in the car, the first thing he said was, “Don’t you think that sermon was for us?” So much for my wish for him not to listen.

As mentioned earlier, I had mentally moved on because I didn’t want pregnancy anymore. I just didn’t think God had given me that desire. But he also hadn’t taken away my longing for a second child. Upset that God seemed to be telling us to be patient and keep trying, I was content to throw myself a pity party.

Nathan gave me an afternoon to sulk, then said something that would change our lives forever. Maybe we are supposed to adopt.

As soon as he spoke it, we both knew that was what God was telling us. An immediate peace fell on me. God used our past to lead us to that decision. It felt right and we knew clearly that he had been writing our adoption story all along.

Would it had been easier for us to know from the beginning that we would adopt our second child? Of course! But then we might have missed seeing how God worked in the little details to bring us to this point.

You see, the sermon on Sarah and Abraham was at a church that we had only been attending for a few months. We made the tough decision to find a new congregation about six months prior. After being actively involved with our previous church for 14 years (six years for Nathan), God called us somewhere closer to our home.

Our previous church was in a neighboring community almost a half hour away, our former pastor had left, and we were going to have to get to know a new church leader anyway. It seemed to make sense to find somewhere closer to home so that our children could go to school and church with the same people. The timing of that church switch was orchestrated by God so that we would be there that day.

All the circumstances that made me not desire to be pregnant again, yet want another child, was God setting the stage. Helping our friends with their adoption fundraiser was preparing us. God gave us signs along the way to lead us here. He even put a friend in our life at just the right time to tell us about her great experience serving in a Chinese orphanage years before,confirming we should adopt from there.

There were so many more doors that God opened and shut to point us to adoption from China. We know that we God already has the perfect child for our family out there. And we know that he will provide all the logistical and financial resources to bring that child into our family.

I leave you with this very fitting verse:

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good. Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

Are you considering adoption but fearful of the costs? I can help! Click here to get 101 Adoption Fundraising Ideas and other helpful information on affording adoption. You can also check out my Adoption Grants and Fundraising page. 

Read more about our international adoption story on my Adoption Journey page.

You may also like:

What My China Adoption Taught Me About the Love of God

8 Ways We Raised $35, 123.51 for our Adoption Without Debt

God Doesn’t Always Speak in Burning Bushes

What to Expect in the First Year After International Adoption – Part 1