Two years ago this month I met my daughter for the first time. As is in the case of a China adoption, the meeting was without fanfare. But from the moment that spunky 18 month old was placed in my arms, my family would never be the same. 

As I reflect on how far we’ve come since adoption day, it seems fitting to share something I wrote while still in China. Despite all the changes we experience, there is comfort in knowing we have a Father whose love remains the same. 

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I’m back to writing with a sleeping child on me in a nice hotel. So many experiences, stories, emotions, and life have occurred in the short time we’ve been in China for this adoption. I hope to document some of it here, so I can remember. I want to make sure that I not only see the sites and make memories of a lifetime but also grasp what God is teaching me through this experience.

We arrived in Guangzhou late last night after taking a bullet train for about four hours from Nanning. (Guangzhou is home of the United States Consulate that processes the paperwork for China adoptions, so all adoptive families spend time here.)

The bullet train was awesome! While four hours with an 18 month old on your lap has its challenges, it was a great way to see what our guide called the “real China.” We’ve been in large cities that look nice on the outside, but the vast majority of people live in poverty. There are many agricultural communities and we saw rice patties farmed with water buffalo.

Sunshine, our guide in Nanning, told us that often the country houses are similar to barns. The animals live on the first floor and the family resides above them. Dirt roads are common and there may not be access to hospitals or medical care.

We also saw cities with skyscrapers of apartments everywhere. You could tell some were rundown with small living quarters. With the sheer number of people, where else do you put them all? From the train window, I could see people sitting on top of large piles of trash in what looked like a garbage dump, likely with nowhere else to go.  We also saw beautiful landscapes with mountains that seemed to just pop up from the ground with no warning, green landscapes, water, and well-tended crops.

Today, Molly, our guide in Guangzhou, told us that she used to live here, the third largest city in China. But after having her second child, they moved to the suburbs with an almost 90-minute commute one way. This is because they didn’t want to pay the $200,000 fee to the city for the second child. Even if they could afford that, she explained that the city only allows for the education, etc. for one child per family. Once moving, her fee was only $20,000, which is still crazy.

Note: It’s entirely possible that I have these facts and figures incorrect and I don’t know if these were China or US dollar amounts. The point is that China had an expensive social upbringing fee. You can read more about it and the one-child policy here.

All of this makes me wonder about L’s birth family. While I don’t know the details and won’t publicly share her early story for sake of her privacy, you can see how difficult it might be for an average family in China to be able to afford to raise an unplanned child or an unanticipated medical need. There are many families who love their children so much that they give them up in hopes of a better life.

She is starting to learn what it is like to have a doting father around.

It is a tremendous responsibility as an adoptive parent to know that just because I happened to be born somewhere else that I have the opportunity to raise someone else’s child as my own. I pray that we live up to the dreams her parents had for her and honor people we will never know through our little family.

This process also has put new and deeper meaning into the metaphor of adoption as it relates to our relationship with our Heavenly Father. We were handed a scared little girl on Monday who more than anything needed our unconditional love. She was from a broken place, yet she grieved, and still grieves, for the familiar.

While she has great moments now, if given the choice, she might want to return to what was home for her. However, as she deepens her relationship with her adoptive parents, she will want for her old life less and less. We will give her more than she could have ever imagined within the walls of her orphanage. And just as she was created to thrive as she was knit together in her biological mother’s womb, we will give her the ability to grow to be the person she was designed to be.

Isn’t that true for us all? Left on our own, we limit ourselves to what we can imagine within our immediate view. We cling to what we know and long for that missing piece. Brokenness becomes normal and we survive instead of thriving.

But when we choose to be adopted into God’s family, we must move forward into the unconditional love of a savior. One who will know and love us in a way that we didn’t think possible. Our dreams become God-given desires for more and he gives us the tools we need to be exactly who we were created to be. But we have to deepen our relationship with our Father or we won’t be able to move forward.

People have said many nice things regarding our obedience to adopt, but I’m no different than you. Every day is a step in faith and I don’t know where that road will lead. But I know, now more than ever, that my Father loves me and wants what’s best for me because I am part of his family.

And that’s exactly what I want for both of my children.

Follow along with our China adoption journey here.

You may also like:

8 Ways We Raised $35,123.51 for Our Adoption Without Debt

What to Expect in the First Year After International Adoption

How I Know God Works All Things for Good – An Adoption Story