As soon as the calendar nears the end of August, my husband wants to skip right over the last days of summer and dive headfirst into his favorite season of the year…football season.

I have always enjoyed sports and was even a proud subscriber to Sports Illustrated for Kids as a child. But growing up as the oldest of three girls, life was more pink than pigskin in my world. Although my husband has tried to break down the nuances of different plays to me over the years, I just haven’t made any extra room in my brain for the specifics of the Xs and Os.

So when my husband began describing to me how our marriage roles compared to football positions one February morning, I had to quickly recall all the things he’d tried to teach me so I understood the analogy. Bear with me if you don’t speak football (or even more if you do because I’ll probably butcher this!) and I’ll explain.

When the defense straps on their helmets and pads to willingly run on the field, each person plays a specific role. The defensive linemen basically throw their muscle, weight, and effort into stopping the offense from progressing forward. Sometimes they may find a hole in the offensive line and make a tackle, but mostly their job is just to keep the offensive line at bay so that the linebackers can perform their role properly.

The linebackers are the guys behind the defensive line who get the glory and attention for making the big plays. These guys are free to make the tackles or an occasional interception because they have linemen taking care of the grind of the game ahead of them.

Both of these positions are important for a successful team, but rarely are you going to remember the name of the defensive linemen after the win. But when that linebacker is answering questions about his mighty contribution in the post-game press conference, know that his feat wouldn’t be possible without the lineman blocking for him.

Have I lost you yet? I hope not! Nathan told me all of this because he sees himself as that defensive lineman. He blocks out the distractions so that I can try to make the big plays. In our marriage, Nathan is the one who is steady, consistent, and provides so that I can be free to take risks and grow. I may be the one who gets attention for things, but he makes it possible.

This conversation came up after I returned from a women’s conference at our church. Lysa TerKeurst was the keynote for a Friday night/Saturday morning event where I was able to sit and soak up some encouraging adult time for the first time in months. Afterward, I went to lunch with some new friends. It was great!

But amid all these fun things, guilt was creeping into the back of my mind. A chain of thoughts played in the background of my kid-free conversations.

You’ve already missed a bedtime and entire morning with your daughter who’s only been home from an ORPHANAGE for a few months. Now she won’t see you until after naptime?

You quit your job, cutting a significant chunk out of the family budget, and now you’re buying conference tickets and Greek food?

After your husband worked hard all week making money for the family, you leave him at home with two kids while you go relax?

It turns out that internal dialogue did nothing but steal a little joy from my time away. My husband and kids were just fine at home. Everyone was fed, rested, and happy when I stepped in the door. Nathan wasn’t secretly resenting my time away. My daughter got a chance to witness that I do return after I leave her. And my son probably got to do some dinosaur battles with his dad while talking basketball, free from me asking him to clean his room.

That football metaphor was Nathan’s way of telling me that is it okay for me to venture out and try some new things. He knows that I thrive from interacting with other people. Whether it’s grabbing lunch with a friend, attending an event without him, giving this blog a go, or changing the world with my next big idea, he is supportive of me being me.

I never thought I’d cry over a football play, but the love I felt from across the kitchen table as he told me all this made my eyes well with tears.

It’s easy to get lost in the minutia of raising young kids. They can’t really do anything for themselves and expect you to provide all their needs. But if you ignore yourself or your marriage for a decade or more, you’ll be completely lost once they are grown. My husband is happy to keep things going on the front line so that I can have the freedom to make my big play…even when I have no idea what that is.

A few weeks ago, I read an article by Emma Green about Beth Moore in The Atlantic. While the piece explored a lot of topics about the Christian author and speaker, my favorite part was a bit about her husband. Green wrote, “Yet her husband, Keith, a retired plumber, sees his vocation as helping his wife succeed. ‘That’s what I do,’ he told me. ‘I lay blocks so O.J. can run.’”

Though I’m not sure how much Beth enjoys being compared to O.J. Simpson, it appears that my husband and Keith have football analogies in common. I can’t really liken myself to the great Beth Moore, but I’d be thrilled to have even a small fraction of the impact she’s had in this world. And having a supportive husband is a great start.

What’s great about the analogy is that football, like marriage, is a team sport. We can try different positions and plays depending on the situation. So it’s okay if sometimes Nathan is the linebacker while I hold the line. Some days are more glamorous for one of us than the other. But when we both use our God-given talents and abilities, the whole family benefits.

And that is better than a game-winning touchdown any day.

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Check out books and studies by Beth Moore here and read more from Lysa TerKeurst here. 

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