I am writing this post on a bed in a five-star Marriott hotel with my brand-new daughter asleep on me. It is completely surreal. Today, L Goodpaster was legally adopted as a member of our family.

Read about more our adoption match here.

China Adoption Gotcha Day

Yesterday, I met her for the first time in a nondescript government building — the equivalent to a DMV office in the US. We are traveling with another family who adopted the little girl who has been in the crib next to L at their orphanage.

This is the Nanning Civil Affairs building where we first met our daughter.

Originally, each family was going to have a separate “gotcha day” experience, one right after the other to meet our girls. But the orphanage people were running late, so the civil affairs office decided to have both of us go at the same time. I guess they wanted to keep the line moving for the other people there to renew their driver’s license, pay a ticket, or meet their kiddo for the first time.

Note: Some people find the term “Gotcha Day” to be offensive. I’m using it with the utmost respect and reserve the right to change my vernacular in the future should the need arise. In the meantime, I’ll link to articles on an adoptee’s perspective gotcha day language, complications of gotcha day celebrations, and those who want to get rid of gotcha day celebrations completely so that you can see the controversy.

This is the inside of the Nanning Civil Affairs office where other government business was taking place.

Anyway, the first time I saw L in person, she was across the large waiting room in the arms of one of the orphanage staff. I was her mother, yet she had no idea who I was. She hadn’t been lulled to sleep by the beat of my heartbeat for nine months or memorized the sound of my voice from the depths of the womb.

She didn’t recognize my familiar smell or search out my face in the crowd. The profound responsibility and privilege of raising another mother’s child were not lost on me. The months of preparation and prayers were about to be realized in a municipal building in Nanning, Guangxi, China.

The staff and our girls were quickly ushered to the room where we were summoned a few moments later. It was a plain area with white walls, cheap floors, a few chairs, and a scattering of small rocking toys for kids who were supposed to be distracted from the utter confusion they were about to behold. There we were met by the orphanage personnel and our kiddos.

J and L playing on one of the toys they had in the room. I wonder how many other siblings have met like this?

There were three ladies from the orphanage, one who brought along her son who was a few years older than J and playing with a toy pistol. Lucy and her friend were being held and our guide/translator pointed each family to their daughter. They tell us that L skipped her nap because of the travel time in and ate a little congee (a Chinese dish) earlier.

Holding her for the first time, she seemed tired and confused as to what is going on. But you can tell that she has a sweet spirit about her! Luckily, we were able to get a video of meeting her because it all was such a blur.

You experience so many emotions in the moments leading up to gotcha day. And then a new child is just handed to you, unaware they are being ripped away from everything they’ve ever known.

We were fortunate to ask a few questions about her background, likes, and schedule. It was evident that the girls were loved by the orphanage staff. They said L and her friend were the “princesses” of the orphanage and would be missed.

They specifically wanted our girls to be adopted internationally so they could have opportunities for a better life. While I believe it is uncommon for that to be said to the new family, it further cemented the great responsibility before us.

After some customary photos and goodbyes, we left the room with one extra kid in tow. We took a van back to the hotel, filled out some paperwork, and went on to our room as a family of four.

The first night went well and L seemed to enjoy J, the toys we gave her, and was curious, yet cautious, with her new surroundings. I hope she doesn’t get used to luxury hotel accommodations!

These special ladies worked for the orphanage where L spent her first 18 or so months. I’m forever grateful for the care they took of my girl.

Adoption Finalization Family Day in China

We all got a good night’s sleep, ate breakfast, and went back to the government office for an interview to officially adopt L. Though the formalities were simple, this was really tough because we had to see the orphanage staff again.

L cried and cried when they said goodbye, which caused tears all around. Since then, you can tell that she is grieving for her old situation. It’s like a switch flipped and she knows her life has forever changed.

I think she likes us, but it must be so difficult and baffling to be in her position. Imagine losing every hint of familiarity and not understanding why. No wonder the actual act of being adopted is considered a traumatic event for adoptees.

Our number one goal is to make her feel safe and secure. She wants to be close to one of us or held all the time. Sometimes she’ll be playing and or doing something that should be fun, but I’ll notice tears streaming down her face.

It is absolutely heartbreaking.

So we’re taking things one hour at a time, praying that soon she will feel safe and loved with us. We are glad that she had attachment to and loved her old life but hate that she is so sad right now. Grief is real and will not disappear overnight. It may linger with her and pop up in different ways for years to come.

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Ways to Pray for Our Adoption Trip

Even though it is a joyous event to add a new baby to the family, adoption always means that trauma and loss for the adoptee have occurred. It will take time for her to heal and there may be long-lasting effects. We need your prayers now more than ever and thank you for praying us through thus far.

Pray for peace for our dear L and that she feels safe and loved. Also pray that she will find something she likes to drink (we’re spoon-feeding her formula now) and that she goes to the bathroom regularly. Pray for J as he adjusts to sharing us and being away from home. Pray that we all remain healthy. And pray that the time here goes quickly so that we can get settled at home soon.

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You may also like:

Why Our Family Decided to Adopt from China

How I Know God Works Things for Good – An Adoption Story

What to Expect in the First Year After International Adoption

8 Ways We Raised $35,123.51 for Our Adoption Without Debt